Dear Miss Manners-We are writing about certain assumptions husbands make about intruding into their wives` professional lives.
Most particularly we wonder whether calling one`s wife at the office to tell her what is desired for the evening meal, or asking that she leave a meeting to be informed about a plumbing malfunction in the home, is acceptable. In addition, we would like to know whether it is proper for a spouse to complain to her boss about the fact that his wife, on occasion, must toil past the time that her contract states she is expected to be on duty.
Gentle Reader-You may have forgotten a certain routine you once used to teach the children manners.
This was called ”How Would You Feel If?” Typically this went: ”Don`t take away the toy your brother is playing with. How would you feel if he took away a toy you were playing with? Don`t shove your sister. How would you feel if she shoved you?” And so on.
Now is the time to trot it out again: ”Please don`t interrupt me at work. How would you feel if I interrupted you at work?”
Miss Manners recognizes that it is barely possible a husband may be slightly quicker at this sort of thing than a small child, and may arrive earlier at the traditional crisis point. This occurs when, lulled into that way of talking, you say something like ”Don`t pull the cat`s tail-how would you feel if she pulled your tail?” and the child proudly announces, ”I don`t care-I don`t have a tail!”
So perhaps the husband, with a smirk only too similar to his child`s long ago, replies, ”I don`t care if you call my boss-I am the boss!” or ”Go ahead and interrupt me at work-I`m retired!”
The reply to the tailless child, if you recall, was to pull a bit of hair and say, ”Well, that`s what it feels like.” With the husband, too, you may have to find something equivalent. If he is the boss, you complain to his deputy (in front of him) that he must be sent home on time and discouraged from believing that he is indispensable. If he is retired, you have him paged on the golf course and ask him to do an errand on the way home.
Miss Manners has a feeling this may not actually be necessary. Husbands tend to be more experienced than children and have probably learned to accept the mere mention of retaliation in place of the deed.
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Address your etiquette questions to Miss Manners in care of the Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
