Late on a snowy Monday afternoon, five south suburban women make their way into the conference room of the Crisis Center for South Suburbia.
A student, a volunteer, a board member, a prospective board member and a journalist gather around a table to learn what they might do to help stop a problem that continues to plague this area and this nation at an alarming rate.
The first thing you learn in Domestic Violence 101 training sessions is that abuse can — and does — happen to anyone.
But also that anyone — including a student, a volunteer, a board member, a prospective board member or a journalist — can help curb the spread by getting involved.
“One in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been physically abused by a partner,” says Deonne Senese, volunteer and training coordinator for the center.
On an average day, some 20,800 calls come into domestic violence hotlines around the country, she said.
Intimate partner violence, most common between ages 18 and 24, accounts for 15 percent of all violent crime, she adds.
The numbers are disturbing, she says, but there is hope and help for those ready to make a change.
It is the hope that workshops such as this one will enlighten, inform and encourage everyone, not just victims, to take a stand, Senese said.
The two-hour session is similar to one that hairstylists, dentists and members of the clergy now take in an effort to understand what abuse is and how to recognize it. The Crisis Center also helps train police officers and it offers its Fresh Start Violence Prevention Program to students as young as junior high age to help them distinguish a healthy relationship from an abusive one.
The class is a snapshot of a 40-hour training program that goes into greater detail on causes, symptoms and the legalities of transitioning a victim out of a dangerous situation and into a safer, healthier lifestyle.
The 101 class, which is free, “is definitely a good way to get an overview of domestic violence,” Senese said. “It is also a way for (attendees) to go out and become teachers, to share this information. We need as many ambassadors as possible.”
Awareness and intervention might save a life, she said. And, in the case of young girls on the cusp of dating, it might prevent a bad relationship from forming in the first place.
Understanding abuse
A slap, a kick, a punch, a push. You may understand that domestic violence is defined as the physical abuse of another person.
But you may not realize that even ongoing physical harm only scratches the surface of the definition. People trapped in an abusive relationship also often deal with the threat of violence, as well as emotional abuse, intimidation and isolation, Senese said.
An abusive situation, she said, can involve:
A husband who threatens to take away children.
A boyfriend who demands to know where his girlfriend is and what she’s doing every minute of the day.
A caregiver or family member who preys on a weaker or elderly person.
It can include:
Being denied access to money.
Being blamed for his rage.
The injuring of pets.
The breaking of furniture.
Even threatening to commit suicide if she doesn’t comply with his wishes.
All of these behaviors constitute domestic violence, Senese says. Yet many of them are unreported, unrecognized or, because an abuser may later apologize, underestimated.
Why she stays
Even if bruising and physical injuries are not apparent, there are ways to recognize abuse, Senese said. A victim’s characteristics might include depression, living in fear, a sense of hopelessness and low self-esteem.
Good facts to know, culled from Crisis Center statistics:
Abuse can and does happen across all ethnic, racial, gender and age groups.
A woman leaves an abuser seven to nine times before the break is permanent.
The most dangerous times for a woman in an abusive situation are when she tries to leave the relationship situation and when she’s pregnant or has just given birth.
In addition to fear, religion, shame and financial constraints, a victim may stay with an abuser simply because she loves him.
Children who live in homes where abuse occurs often have sleep difficulties, separation anxiety, repetitive talk or play and increased aggression.
Abusers act the way they do because they have very low self-esteem, Senese said. They are trying to build themselves up by making themselves seem bigger, stronger and in control. They have a need to exert power and control over someone else. Often, someone who is abusive at home can seem like a different person at the office, she added.
What can you — a friend, relative or witness — do to help?
Be supportive, but nonjudgmental, Senese said. Don’t question why she stays, don’t recommend she leave, but do make her aware of resources that are available.
Never, ever suggest marriage counseling, she said. Couples in an abusive situation need to have their own counselors.
Senese also explained three kinds of orders of protection: emergency, which can last 14-21 days; interim, which can be good for up to 30 days; and plenary, which can be good up to two years before needing to be renewed. But, she added, know that an order of protection is only a piece of paper. It is not a guarantee that an abuser will abide by it.
Dianne Masters’ legacy
Next month marks the 36th anniversary of the murder of Dianne Masters, the Palos Township woman who started a domestic violence hotline in her kitchen that has evolved into the Crisis Center for South Suburbia.
Drawing on her own experience, Senese said, Masters sensed back in the late 1970s that there was a need in the south suburbs to help victims of domestic violence. She led a group of women from the Palos unit of the American Association of University Women in studying the problem. That research led to the founding of the nonprofit Crisis Center for South Suburbia in 1979.
Three years later, Masters was bludgeoned and shot to death in her driveway before her body was dumped in the Illinois Sanitary and Ship Canal in Willow Springs. Her husband, attorney Alan Masters, as well as Willow Springs Police Chief Michael Corbitt and James Keating, a lieutenant with the Cook County sheriff’s police, were convicted of conspiring to murder her, but only after scores of wives and girlfriends who suspected the conspiracy came forward to share their part of the story.
On the day before she died, it has been reported, Dianne Masters, who served on the board of Moraine Valley Community College, had consulted with her hairdresser on ways to escape her abusive home life.
Her courage not only established the start of what has become a long-running social service organization, it has given hope to thousands of abuse victims over the years, Senese said.
Today, the 35-bed Crisis Center offers emergency and transitional lodging, as well as counseling and medical and legal advocacy to victims, both female and male, as well as children.
In 2016, the center provided shelter to 183 women and 168 children. It also provided more than 7,000 hours of legal services to 1,113 clients, and 3,600 hours of counseling and therapy to 318 adults and children.
All of the above services were delivered free to victims. Counseling for abusers, which the center also offers, comes with a fee, to establish responsibility, Senese said.
The center also runs two resale shops, Neat Repeats in Worth and Orland Park, at which victims can shop for free when starting a new life and where the public can donate and shop for items for the home and wardrobe. The money raised by the shops helps support the center’s many programs, she said.
“How proud Dianne would have been to see all that we’re doing today,” Senese said.
If you need help or to report suspected abuse, call the center’s hotline: 708-429-7233. For more information on Domestic Violence 101 classes or the Crisis Center for South Suburbia, go to http://crisisctr.org.
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